In this life, for one to be successful he or she meets epistemic situations involving imperfect or unknown information – uncertainties.
These situations lead to the popular saying “we lose some to win some” which applies in variety of fields, be it, in the midst of friends, family etc.
In a thread, people have shared the ways they got to realised their circle-of-friends were full of fake individuals and how they got rid of them.
Below are some cases:
- When you’re only involved when they need someone for chores and errands.
“When I slowly realized I was only around for chores and errands. Rides to the airport, pick up furniture, help move. Anything social always resulted in either last minute cancellations, showing up 45 minutes late and bolting after 10 minutes. I thought they were busy, but no”.
2. When friends ghost you during parties.
“They stopped inviting me to hang out. They would ask me to drive them to parties, but not invite me to go to the parties. They basically ghosted me for a while.
They were once such amazing and important friends, but they gradually became really arrogant. It took a way longer than it should have to give up and find other people.”
3. When the way a friend was treated motivated you to also realise you’re having fake friends.
“Back in my first year of college, I used to have a group of friends (like 7 dudes with me included). We always hang out together and we’re used to have this “group chat” where we discuss about anything from class subjects to random things. After a year, I noticed that one of the guys (let’s just call him Randy) keeps getting excluded; Not invited/informed to group hangout while they’re talking smack behind his back. And the “unofficial leader” of the group actually made a whole new group chat, inviting everyone (myself included) except Randy without his knowledge.
I know what it feels to be left out, I experienced that in Middle school and it’s really awful. I stopped hanging out with them and I starts hanging out with Randy. He’s quite eccentric but a very good person at heart. We’ve been friends for more than 6 years, and he still got my back”.
4. When they borrow from you but still won’t hangout with you because you’ll spoil their fun.
“Went to pick up my xbox 360 a friend was borrowing, and our whole group of friends were there. They had spent the entire day playing games with snacks and pizza, and I had not been invited. And now I was in the situation of being the douche who takes the ball home and ruins the fun for everyone. I took my xbox and never spoke to anyone in that group again”.
5. When they leave you behind during lunch, I mean intentionally.
When I was in school, all my friends and I did different A levels. Despite us all having different lessons to each other, they would wait for each other to go to lunch together, but they would always always forget me. Like I’d come out and they wouldn’t be there, so I’d have lunch by myself. And then they’d come back and tell me they thought I was with them. I was the only one they didn’t wait for. I’ve only seen one of them since we left school. She had forgotten my name. So that sucked.
6. When your friend shows you how vile of a person they are.
“I flew out to support a friend going through a messy divorce. While I was there, she left me in the apartment to meet up with her boyfriend that I didn’t know about. He turned out to have just been released from prison for manslaughter. Once she told me that, I told her that I didn’t want to spend time with him, especially considering the circumstances of my visit. The next night, I woke up in the middle of the night to find him in the living room. She said that she thought it wouldn’t matter since I was asleep. The next day, she invited her soon-to-be ex-husband over without telling me and then asked me to meditate their conversation once he got there. That conversation turned ugly fast, and she ended up storming out. He broke down and asked if I thought it was salvageable, and I told him that she had already moved on. Maybe not the best idea on my part, but at that point, she had shown me how vile of a person she is”.
7. When they turn their back on the generous one who went through difficulties.
“When I went through a divorce and was down to $700…most difficult period and weeded out all those who “friended” me for my generosity because I was well settled. Started over and have like 2 true good friends”.
8. When they consider you for a party because they want you to chip in for expenses.
“I was invited to the bachelorette party for one of the friends in this group. While at the party, I figured out that I was the only person not invited to the wedding. I had been invited to the party because they needed another person to chip in for expenses”.
9. When they were nothing but rumor spreaders.
“Once high school ended, I heard about all the rumors they made up about me”.
10. When your intuitions were the detector that you had fake friends.
“The group made plans to meet and hang out. I was getting ready in the salon. A couple of friends had to back out for some reason. The other friend then made excuses of his own, and I could tell. I tried cajoling him and offer ways for him to go but he basically decided to cancel the entire group meet up”.
11. When your friends were close to you because you all were a cocaine addicts but they stopped talking to you because you quite the habit.
“Shortly realized after quitting cocaine that a majority of my “friends” only kept me around so they could feel better about their own cocaine habits.
I was heavily addicted and setting myself down a path I never once thought I could or would take. Stopped for my own benefit and health, and was treated like a selfish piece of shit for doing so. The next months ensued and not one of them checked in to see how I was doing, but instead my high school best friend started sleeping with my ex high school girlfriend (I was with her for 5 years and actually thought I was going to marry her at one point) who dumped me for doing cocaine and is now an honorary member of the group I was cast out of.
Replaced with the person who partially fueled my substance abuse, who dumped me for substance abuse, by the group that didn’t like me stopping my substance abuse, so they could all abuse substances together.
It’s now been over a year since I quit, and honestly couldn’t be happier. Got rid of a cocaine addiction and about 1000lbs of dead weight. But it was an eye opener to say the least”.
12. When your ex convened with others you’ve once helped and they pretend to even know.
“This was quite a few years ago. My ex and I were really friendly with another couple. Did a ton of stuff together. Then they moved (not far) and fairly shortly after my ex and I separated. They hung out with me for a few months but then stopped calling.
A few years later, I ran into both of them at a race (an ultramarathon) and they both pretended like they didn’t know me. That was actually a really painful moment”.
13. When they plan for a hangout in your absence but you managed to see via social media.
“When I returned to work after being off for 3 months due to an injury and I practically begged them to go grab a beer and do pub trivia but all 3 of them passed because they had plans. Well it turns out their plans were to go grab a beer and do pub trivia… Without me. Found out through social media. Deleted it shortly afterwards.
I’ve been a lot less depressed about things since I’ve deleted social media and stopped looking at them as friends and just as work acquaintances. It took that for me to realize that the “friendships” were really one sided and I’m better off not pursuing anything other than being cordial at work”.
14. When you lose your worth to them.
“When you lose your ‘worth’ to them. For instance, you are going through a dark period in your life, then they just leave like you are a worthless bag of dust”.
15. When your so-called friends ignored you in your depressed state.
“I was at a party, really depressed after a bad breakup and got drunk. My abusive ex showed up, caught me somewhere alone and hit me. I begged several friends for help since I was too drunk to drive home alone and they ignored me. My ex best friend was there, completely sober and refused to drive home with me because she didn’t believe he would do that. There’s no Uber or anything in my country btw. The whole thing escalated, one guy I didn’t know ended up finding me alone in a field crying and throwing up, brought me back to the house, build a bed out of blankets for me and sat guard all night to make sure my ex wouldn’t do anything again”.
16. When your friends think you’re boring and go any ways to get you excluded during parties.
“My so-called ‘friends’ invited me to a party, and then at the last moment, they texted the group that no one’s coming and the party is canceled. Well.. they had the party that day. Everyone went there. They just had decided they didn’t want me there cause I was boring and not a fun person, so they told me that there was no party happening. It hurt a lot, it was a terrible day for me”.
17. When you’re the last person to be considered.
“When my long time “friend” called me and said “Hey can you hang out? No one else can.”
18. When they only want to use you.
“When I realized that what he really wanted was to use me to break into my “circle of friends” and claim them for himself”.
19. When they refuse to support you when you lose a loved one.
“When they didn’t support me after my dad passed away. I didn’t ask for much attention, but they were too ignorant”.
20. When you realised your friends are heartless.
“I had a seizure and they would not drive me to the hospital because they had a brunch to attend”.